China culture shock: English on signs

The holy grail of Chinglish, for me, would be to see in person a sign saying “Carefully Slip And Fall Down“.

Since the English on signs in Hangzhou is not by any means so terrible on average, I’m still looking.

Meanwhile, I’ve spotted quite a few other amusing signs in Hangzhou.

Have a guess… what kind of store advertises its products as “cheap, fresh, quality, intimate”? See below to find out!

Including an unnecessary “the” is just as typical as leaving out a necessary one.
“Sweeping Payment” refers to “scanning” the QR code to pay for parking. Makes sense if you already know what it’s trying to say!
Example of a copy/paste error where something at the end gets cut off. In this case, the “R” is missing from “EXTINGUISHER”. The resulting word looks French or German to me.
Jacket says: “CONTROL: EVRYTHING IS SUOH”. I’m guessing it’s a distortion of a longer message. “Everything is such a mess,” perhaps.
This is a pun! In English it says “best wishes to you” (although the plural is missing, unsurprisingly). But it’s the year of the rabbit and “tu” is the pinyin spelling of “rabbit” in Mandarin Chinese!
“Please take care of your personal waluables.” This error is surprising, since I think of confusion between “v” and “w” as being an Indian English thing, not a Chinese English thing.
Usually when we “stand firm”, it’s a metaphor, and here it’s not! Also, “The wrong way” is strangely lacking a verb.
“Be careful of the toes / Keep off the edge / Be careful of the High heels”
“Be careful your finger / Don’t push the baby carriage on the ladder / Watch out for the laces”
(The Chinese for escalator is “automatic ladder”; “stairs” are “building ladder”; elevator is “electric ladder”.)
The sign says: “EQUIPMENT MAINTENANCE: DON’T CLOSE TO”. (In Chinese, adjectives are used kinda like verbs.)
“RING THE BELL OF EMERGENCY” sounds like a dangerous quest objective. (Image is suitably panicked and blurry.)
To get to Muji in Wanda Plaza, Yuhang, turn left. Or rather, make a “LEFT-HANDED ROTATION”. Or perhaps if you’re in the mood, a leftist revolution.
Sign says “NO TAKE PET”. You can dodge the whole take/bring conundrum by writing “NO PETS”. “TAKE NO PET” would also work, and sound like Tolkien.
“Muscle Square”. This is a beauty/hygiene products area of a supermarket. Maybe they mean “Body Care Section”, but I don’t know why they chose “muscle”. Also, I question the wisdom of using that particular font in all caps. The “L” is horrible in the middle of a word.
Same supermarket. “Show respect to the foods.”
This sign on the door of the janitor closet says “MOP POOL”. We use “pool” as a verb to mean “collect”, but we don’t use it as a noun to mean “collection”, except when talking about a carpool (which isn’t really a car collection).
The last icon says “TECHNOLOGY”. But the Chinese text says something like “traditional crafts”! The translation says exactly the opposite of what the marketing department wants it to say. (Thanks to Siqi for pointing this out; I’d never have known.)
No, that’s not a pineapple in the second row… The sign says:
“No Smoking / Take Care Of Your Kids / No Using The Elevator In Case Of Fire”
“No Dangerous Articles / No Gaming / No Overloading”
“Opening door by hand is not permitted / No leaning / Do not block the door”

I’m getting strong “group project” vibes from this one… like, maybe the guy responsible for the bottom row didn’t get the memo on capitalization, but worked real hard to avoid re-using the same negative phrasing in any of his three captions.

At Sam’s Club: “Moccona Classic Freezed Coffee”
Box says: “Valuables, do not trample”. (It’s a moderately priced microwave, not that valuable.)
Siqi’s house shoes say “First choice in winter: SUPER COMFORTABLE”.  🙂
At my workplace dining hall, there is more than one sign that says “Tray Recycle” instead of “Tray Return”. But what the heck is “Wheaten Food”? I thought it meant the bakery. But in the area where it’s pointing, there’s a sign that says “Noodle / Pastries”. Those are two things made of wheat, I guess.
“Welcome to Use Shopping Cart and Shopping Basket”; “How to Use Shopping Cart?” (Sadly, the slip and fall icon has correct English.)
“Be care of the stairs”
Y’all, this is my favorite. BEHOLD!
“The Choice of living a healthy life”
“Health comes from nature”
“Heathy Food”
“CHEAP – Welcome Tuo You”
“FRESH – Welcome Tuo You”
“QUALITY – Welcome Tuo You”
“INTIMATE – Welcome Tuo You”
“Welcome to you”
“Best Choice and Best Discounts”
“Deliciout Seadood”